When I have a bad or cranky day, I usually tell myself to “try again tomorrow” because a bad day does not have to be a bad week or a bad life. A phrase from Anne of Green Gables comes to mind. “Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it (yet).”
My family has a rule. If we are cranky, we need to “announce” it. It’s as simple as saying, “I’m cranky today, FYI.” If you act like an idiot to family, then someone is probably going to ask, “What’s your problem? Did you forget to announce today?”
I’ve been irritated with people the last few days. Do you ever have those days? Sometimes the irritation is justified. Sometimes I don’t think people realize how unacceptable and often irresponsible their behaviors actually are. Immaturity abounds in the adult world. Let me tell you.
I have a problem with letting people’s selfish, immature, and petty behaviors get to me. I’ve had to learn to take a big mature pausing breath over the years before I react (or determine if reacting at all is even necessary). I’ve gotten better at dealing with the world’s idiots with this pausing philosophy. There’s a time and place to stand up and speak up for myself, and there’s a time and place to quietly take action in furtherance of my best interests. Either way, someone is bound to take issue with my methods at some point. Oh, well.
As someone who has had to face the fact that I have “major depressive disorder, recurring episodes” plastered on my medical record for the rest of my life, I’ve had to learn to deal with bad days. The mere diagnosis irritates me. I liked the original one better that reads “minor depressive disorder” until I thought I was cured by removing the major life stressors. Wrong, girl. Thanks to my ignorance, I got the former upgraded diagnosis, a not-so-gentle reminder of my chronic imperfections and inability to escape the depressive family genes.
A heathy person with a depressive disorder has to be very self-aware and maybe even a little bit curious when it comes to daily behaviors. When people aggravate me, I have to ask myself if I am just agitated or if the behaviors are truly inappropriate. Am I overtired (classic “trigger” for me)? Is there something else going on with me that actually needs addressing? Am I projecting my crap onto this innocent person? What is really going on here?
And sometimes – medical diagnosis or not – it’s just simply a bad day or two. That’s okay. I make myself aware of it. I deal with it. I move on with my classic line to myself: Get it together, Lentz.
My nephew had a bad day the other day. He was overtired from not sleeping well the night before and refusing to take a nap when I picked him up from preschool. The afternoon was a little bit rough for Auntie Mel. Like many adults I’ve encountered, he acted out because he was frustrated and tired. After one exceptionally naughty moment (hitting the TV), he started bawling. All that overtired emotion came bubbling to the surface. I feel ya, buddy. I pulled him into a hug and we just sat there for a while. I kept telling him he was just having a bad day, and that it was okay.
“Everyone has bad days. I had a bad day yesterday and said some naughty words. Grandma has bad days. Grandpa has bad days. Mommy has bad days. It’s okay to have bad days sometimes. We will try to have a good today tomorrow okay?”
I had no idea if he was listening, but I told him I loved him so much. He almost fell asleep as we sat there but no dice. Naps weren’t going to happen that day.
When I took him home, the first thing he said to his mom was, “Mommy, I had a bad day.” The next day he was back to normal and had a good day.
When my nephew is upset, he often says, “Auntie, I need a hug.” I love his little hugs. It’s something we have in common. When I’m upset, I just want a hug too. That Physical Touch Love Language thing runs thick for me.
Maybe the desire for a hug is actually that pausing moment I need to assess what I’m feeling. The calm in the bad day that reassures me it’s not a bad week or a bad life. Just a challenging day.
I’ve had to learn that some challenging days have nothing to do with depression. Challenging days are often a result of the selfish and immature activities of those around me. It doesn’t matter if these people take ownership of their actions. I am in control of myself and how I deal with these people. And if needed, I announce my crankiness so my family knows and I’m reminded to keep my irritation directed away from loved ones it doesn’t involve.
Sometimes the best approach is to take ownership of a bad day, acknowledge the need for a pausing hug from a loved one, and try again tomorrow.
And for the record, I don’t need to announce today, but I’ll always take a hug.