I’ve decided to write a novel. Well, perhaps I should rephrase. I’ve had a trilogy “planned” for about three years now. I just haven’t done anything about it. I recently figured out why that might be the case.
I’ve had this grand plan to write an exciting story with the “usual” Secret Service assassination (or assassination attempt), complete with a complex execution plan and a hyper-observant batch of agents saving the day at the very last millisecond. Also, it wouldn’t be complete if the first book didn’t end on an extreme cliffhanger where someone has died and we won’t know who until the second book.
I had a general outline of the story for each book. I just needed to write it.
But I didn’t write it.
Every time I sat down to write the story, I failed.
I tried writing the last scene first. I tried to get that aggressively vague cliffhanger on paper, the blood and drama and the unknown just fingertips away from resolution as the reader turns the page only to find “to be continued” taunting them.
Make them want more, I told myself.
Writing is an art. Duh, right? There’s no correct way to go about it. There are plenty of tips and tricks from the best out there.
Write three pages per day for 6 months and you’ll have a first draft.
Outline the whole story first.
Let the story write itself.
Create a vision board.
Just get the crappy first draft down so you have something to work with.
The list goes on.
Every successful writer finds their own flow one way or another, I suppose. I finally found mine while writing my first book. I learned that I write my best work in the middle of the night. (Side Note: I’m not writing this in the middle of the night, so this is not my best. It’s a bad blog, remember?) Maybe that’s because nights are just quieter and more peaceful with less distractions. Maybe I’ve been wrong about myself my whole life by thinking I’m a morning person when, if given the choice, I’m a total night owl.
I’ve learned that I write better standing up, and, apparently, I’m not alone in that because Ernest Hemingway was known to write standing up (a fact I learned after I told some fellow writers I wrote this way). I’ve also learned that as much as I love journaling by hand and as much as I am a “fancy pen snob,” I cannot get quality work down quick enough by hand. Therefore, typing is best for me.
But I must tell you, things haven’t been flowing smoothly for my second book. One night, after hitting “select all” and frustratingly following it up with the “delete” button, something clicked.
I knew how I preferred the story to go, but I only had a surface relationship with my characters. I didn’t know who they really were. I hadn’t gotten into the nitty gritty with them.
It’s easy to dream up an ideal ending to a story because it gives me a sense of control. I control where this story is going. What I say goes because it’s my story. My imagination. My words.
But how can I create the most powerful story without digging deep within these characters to see what makes them click? Why are they reacting this way? Why did this event have such an effect on them? What happened in his/her/their pasts that shaped them into their current characters?
I didn’t know any of these answers about my characters. I needed to change that.
I decided to try taking personality tests to help create my characters. I threw out my storylines and set out to create real, imperfect, and relatable people who would shape my now unknown story.
I’ve taken the Myers Briggs Personality Test three times (that I remember) during my adult life. The results have always been exactly the same no matter where I was personally, professionally, emotionally, etc.
I’m an INFJ, the rarest Myers Briggs personality type. According to the Myers Briggs website, an INFJ is “the insightful visionary” of the personality types.
Here’s a quick summary of an INFJ:
“They tend to rely on hunches and trust their instincts. After they’ve thought something through, they’ll share their plans or ideas with others on a need-to-know basis. It can be difficult to change their minds on something they’ve already committed to. They’re motivated to make a difference in the world, often one person at a time.”
“People with INFJ preferences see the meaning and connections between ideas, relationships, and interactions. They love symbolism and metaphors. They generally have a lot of empathy for others and tend to be compassionate and sympathetic—their feelings can be intense.”
If you’re familiar with the Myers Briggs test, you’ll know the results are almost novel length themselves. No matter what part of my life I took the test, the result was always the same.
Melanie Lentz - INFJ.
As I delved into the idea of developing characters based off their personality test results, I took the Enneagram test for myself because I’d never done it before (and the test is a little shorter, so I thought it might be easier to gather data on my novel’s characters).
My results for this one were not what I anticipated.
The Enneagram test assigns you a number based on your results. I scored highest in the 4 category and second in the 6 category. (Now I understand the lingo when people say, “Oh, you’re a [insert number]. That explains a lot.”)
A Four (4) is an Individualist.
Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.
Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance
Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an
identity)
I expected myself to be a Three (3), the type more geared toward achievement, perfectionism, and the other traits that come along with a Type A personality (like workaholism).
But I am undoubtedly a 4. Not that I’m not still driven or achievement-oriented. But it’s not my strongest driving force anymore.
I’m struck at how I can remain the same INJF my whole life but go from an Enneagram 3 to a solid 4 over the past 5 years or so. Is it due to personal growth? Life experience? Or is it that I’ve finally “found” myself? I’m going to go with the latter.
I think deep down I’ve always wanted to matter and live a meaningful life. I lived in a distorted mindset that told me I had to be perfect in order to make a difference. But what did portraying the illusion of perfection (at all costs) get me? Nothing meaningful, that’s for sure. My excessive perfectionism and the faults that accompanied it (workaholism, unacknowledged depression, eating disorder, compulsive exercising, etc.) knocked me on my butt.
I took perfectionism to an extreme, my desire to achieve and control outweighing my desire to matter.
My perfectionism pointed out how imperfect I actually am. I was forcing my own ideal “story” for myself without really taking the time to honestly understand myself first.
Hm. Ironic, no? An ideal and authentic story is revealed when the characters reveal themselves. I’m sitting here taking personality tests to develop real characters for my novel, and I’m reminded that, while certain parts of me and my personality will probably always be a certain way, it is possible for mindsets and priorities to evolve over time.
As cliché as it sounds, my story is still being written. The plot twists and turns continue. I’m still learning. I still think I suck at life sometimes.
Online personality tests can tell me who I am all they want, but the important thing is that I’m living my story and embracing the process and the transformations.
The absence of self-awareness in my life made me lose my way. I got lost in my own “junk” and forgot where my story was supposed to go. I didn’t accept myself. I was unable to live an authentic life that mattered because the only thing that mattered for so long was “fixing” everything unfavorable about me.
But I like who I am becoming even if I don’t always like the timing or methods of the process that’s led my story to where it is today. I don’t always like certain parts of me, but I’m learning to appreciate who I really am because my life is more peaceful and productive when I allow myself to just be unapologetically ME.
Where is my story going? Forward, that’s where. My INFJ/Type 4 personality will probably have to detour through some more bad decisions and plot twist my way into a cliffhanger (or two) that will (hopefully) make sense in time.
In the meantime, I’m just winging it like you are.
See you next Monday!