You know what they say about opinions. They’re like buttholes. We all have them, and we think ours don’t stink. I think the same goes for advice sometimes. We usually refer to “unsolicited advice” in a negative connotation. Don’t give me advice unless I ask for it, they say. But advice can also be like tough love. We don’t want it, but sometimes we need it.
I spoke at a leadership seminar for high school ladies a few months ago. During the Q&A portion, one of the ladies asked for some advice. I remember saying something about being receptive to the leadership of the older and wiser women who are willing to take you under their wings.
To take that a bit further, another thought came to me as I was working on a writing project during quarantine.
When I don’t know what to do in a particular situation, I need to realize I’m probably NOT the only person who has ever been in that situation. Someone has been through something similar, and they’ve gotten through it. Someone DOES have the tools I don’t have. Why wouldn’t I try to learn from them? Why wouldn’t I seek or listen to their advice? It’s a no brainer, right?
What is it that keeps us from seeking out sound advice? Ego? Shame? Fear? Insecurity? Whatever it is, it’s probably not a good reason.
And then there’s the bad advice that we shouldn’t heed. For example, if someone tells you never to hold in a fart because it’s bad for the hangnails, then you should probably say a prayer for the poor soul crop-dusting the masses to avoid a hangnail.
Some advice needs to be taken with a grain of salt. In the end, we are all responsible for our own actions, good and bad. We choose whose advice we heed. Sometimes we need to acknowledge that some really sound advice might come from unusual places. I call that kind of advice a blessing to be thankful for. Never stop learning and being willing to learn.
So, without further ado, here’s some advice I’ve received, heard, or given over the years. This is not an all-encompassing list. It’s merely a “representative sample,” if you will.
And for goodness’ sake, let’s not take ourselves too seriously here and laugh a little.
1. “Eat some pizza and drink a Sprite. You’ll either throw up or you won’t. Either way, you’ll feel better.”
A 5x (or more) Ironman finisher gave me this unsolicited advice after the 2015 Boulder Half Ironman. I was not doing well after I finished. Not only is Boulder at altitude, but it was 90 degrees during the race that day. There were a lot of medical emergencies on the course, and I contemplated not finishing several times during the half marathon portion. I’d never considered not finishing a race in my life. But I finished, and I promptly sat my butt down on the ground trying to figure out what to do with myself.
A nice older lady came up to me and asked if I was okay. She mentioned going to the medical tent. I declined.
“Well, if you want my advice, eat some pizza and drink a Sprite right now. You’ll either throw it up or you won’t. Either way, you’ll feel better.”
I took her advice. I threw up in a bush a few minutes later while my mom held my hair. And I felt better.
“See, told you,” she said as she walked away with a slice of pepperoni in her hand.
2. “Keep moving forward. You have to always try and take the next best step, and sometimes that’s a big step that takes you away from where you’re at.”
This is a life mantra of mine. Try to keep the forward momentum. From my life experience, I’ve learned the next best step is not always where you’re at in the moment. Whether that’s a job decision, a relationship decision, a school decision, or another decision. Keep moving forward in life, and encourage the people around you to do the same. The right people will be headed the same direction with you. I’d like to think that’s sound advice. I won’t take credit for it. I’m sure a ton of other people have the same advice. But this is my nugget of wisdom for this list.
3. “Nobody f*#@ing cares, man!”
Pardon the expression, but this line came from a classmate in my Secret Service academy class. He was a funny dude, constantly chewing tobacco and never without a water bottle in his cargo pants to spit in. He was a constant source of humor and lightheartedness in a stressful academy situation. Whenever one of us would get worked up about something, he’d say, “Nobody f*#@ing cares, man!” Eventually, this line was shortened to, “NFC, man. NFC.”
On the surface, this doesn’t sound like advice, per se. It’s a little bit of a downer, actually. But what he meant was that we shouldn’t get so worked up about everything. It’s an academy setting. It was designed to get us out of our comfort zone and stress us out. The instructors didn’t care about our feelings. They cared about training us. It was personal. It was training. Get over it. NFC. As someone who was quite stressed out most of the time, I probably needed to hear it. Sometimes we shouldn’t get so worked up over the things designed to make us stronger.
4. “If you want a tattoo, wait six months, and if you still want it, then go get it.”
I’m not sure where I read this, but I wish I read it before I got a couple of my tattoos. It cost (literally) ten times the money to remove them as it did to get them in the first place.
The lesson here:
Impulsive decisions can have permanent (and expensive) consequences. Whoops.
5. “Don’t pay full price for anything if you can help it.”
Some might counter this statement with the line, “You get what you pay for.” Both bits of wisdom have their merit. When I first became an agent, I got a ton of unsolicited financial advice from colleagues. It was overwhelming because aside from heeding the “Live within your means” advice by saving my lifeguarding money growing up, I didn’t have a lot of work experience that allowed for financial planning in a long-term sense. But one colleague simply said, “Go read Dave Ramsey’s book and let me know what you think. It’s worked for me and my wife.”
I did read the book, and I’ve tried to learn more about financial planning as the years have gone by. My life has had its financial ups and downs. I joke that I went from “six figures to no figures to some inconsistent figures” in a big hurry. I’m not where I want to be financially in terms of future planning, but I’m still learning and being patient with myself and the process.
I know this is random, but I heard Gisele Bunchen say she doesn’t pay full price for anything in an interview years ago. I think there IS some wisdom in frugality. I have no shame in using a coupon code online or waiting for a sale. Authentic Chanel looks the same coming out of the black and white box no matter what the receipt says, suckers. (FYI, I’m not dripping in designer jewels. It’s just an example.) Sometimes, saving a couple bucks doesn’t seem like much, but a little adds up over time.
6. “Don’t give up coffee. Life’s too short for unnecessary restrictions.”
My grandpa gave me this advice when I said I thought I should give up coffee or cut back on my caffeine consumption. I probably did need to cut back on the caffeine at the time (I was going through a Monster energy drink phase), but morning coffee is something I truly love. If I’m alone, it’s a way to start the day, form a game plan, and enjoy the calm before the day gets chaotic. When others are around, it’s even better. There’s such joy in waking up and sharing coffee with those you love. The other part of that equation is good for my fellow control freaks. Restriction is a way of control, but just letting loose once in a while is freeing. Eat the darn piece of chocolate. Take the day off of working out. You don’t have to be working 24/7. In my opinion, Grandpa was right on this one.
7. “Don’t quit your day job.”
If you’ve kept up with the happenings in my life, you know I most definitely did not heed this advice at one point in my life. I thought I’d gone crazy, to be honest. I quit my day job without a plan.
There’s a time and place for big moves and big decisions. The tough part is trusting your gut when you know it’s time for one of those big moves. Deep down, I think we often know changes need to be made. Deep down we’re dying to summon the courage to do something big. We let the “voice of reason” dictate too many of our choices.
I read or heard someone say, “The heart can be too emotional. The mind can be too reasonable. And in the middle, there’s this gut feeling. If we can tap into that, then the right move just might be clearer.” I wish I could remember where I heard that.
For me, the gut feeling told me to quit my job. That was the “forward” move for me at the time.
I could go on, but it’s technically Tuesday now as I sit here on my couch in the middle of the night, and this is a Bad Blog for Monday’s.
So, in summary, try not to fart in public, trust your gut, appreciate your morning cup of coffee with loved ones, find your designer duds with coupon codes, tattoo removal is more expensive than tattoos, and pizza and Sprite after a race will make you feel better (one way or another).
Just learning as I go here, people.
Embracing the typos till next Monday-ish,
Mel
P.S. Update: the story I wrote about submitting last week was rejected within just a couple days. I’m choosing to heed another piece of advice…
Don’t give up!